DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER LAUGHTER?

"This song is for the people
Who tell their families that they're sorry
For things they can't and won't feel sorry for."

-"Cotton", the Mountain Goats.

It's been two weeks and two days since I fell down from heaven. Two weeks and two days. It's weird to think about; I'm a third of the way to being away from CTY for longer than I ever was there. My parents are increasingly happy about this, it seems. They've never really been ones much to "like" CTY. Sure, they'll tolerate it, and they'll meet the few more "normal" of my CTY friends in controlled situations, but they're mostly, well, normal. I'd say I'm the average WASP via background, but the P kinda presents a problem. And, for that matter, the AS. I can do the W pretty well, usually people can guess that I'm white on their first or second try during the "Guess my race using only the sight of me!" game.

So...what was I talking about? Oh, right. CTY. They just don't really get it. Not gonna lie; I almost hate to have to take on the attitude summed up by the great philosopher, Willard Christopher "Will" Smith, Jr., as "Parents Just don't Understand." It's a phrase that gets thrown around too much; by bros when their parents won't let them go get buzzed on Natty Light down by the reservoir, or when the classic Junior year pretty girl is called stupid for having random, unprotected sex. Sometimes, maybe parents don't understand why you want to do something, 'cuz, it's well, a bad decision. Thus, I'm reluctant.

On the other hand, there are times when parents just truly don't understand. When they take the side of the school even though you didn't do anything wrong. When they deny you could, hey, maybe be genuinely attracted to and in love with someone who happens to have the same junk as you. Or, that they don't understand the possibility of you losing your belief in God, because the evidence just isn't there for you. Times where parents decide that "Me being right" is more important than "Me doing what's right."

Thankfully, I haven't really come across any of those situations with myself. So far, I haven't really had my parents full-on not understand something vital to my identity, like my sexuality, or religious beliefs. Mainly because they've all been within what I'd call "acceptable deviations." Kinda like how, in an experiment, there are sources of error, but they're so small that, with your sigfigs, they just round off to zero. That's kinda what it's been like for me. I have my slight...differnces in certain respects from my parents (Okay, don't judge me; Passionfruit/the last day was one craaaaaazy game of poker.), but they're minor enough that my parents can live with it.

CTY has always been one of those differences. They look at it, don't understand it, but will let it be, since the deviation is within what they're fine with. Of course, that seems to be changing. My profile pic on Facebook is me, wearing a threadbare, too-small-for-me bathrobe over a black t-shirt, silver shorts, and flip-flops. Oh, and that's not to forget about the three lanyards I have on in it. Awesome, right?

Well, here's where the deviations seem to begin to get unacceptable. I was told by my mom that, before school begins, I need to change my profile pic. Why? "It's weird! And that bathrobe is ugly!" Yeah, it's weird. And, yeah, not gonna lie, that bathrobe is kinda ugly. But it's an ugly I love. A lot. Similarly, the fat that I'm wearing a bathrobe in public, standing in the middle of a green on a random college campus, giving a speech to a bunch of teenaged nerds? That's weird as all hell. But it's a weird I love. A whole lot.

Now, I'm going to say something to my parents in regards to how much I talk about, love, and miss CTY.

I'm sorry.

Now, to my friends, my fellow CTYers, I say something to you.

Look to the quote at the top. Even if I had some unfathomable desire to truly, meaningfully apologize for it, I don't believe I'd be able to. For me, an apology has always had an air of "If I could go bad and do things differently, so that I wouldn't do whatever I'm apologizing for, I would." And, well, if my parents asked nicely, demanded, whatever, for an apology, and required me to be honest, I would probably say one thing.

"No. Fuck that. I would not change a thing. CTY was one of the best things that ever happened to me. And I wouldn't have it any other way."

So, that's it. In closing, I have but one thing to say.

Cty you have a nice butt.
CTY we love you.
Take off your clothes.
Take off your clothes
CTY we love you.

I LOVE CTY, AND I LOVE THE PASSIONFRUIT. AND I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU WITH ALL MY HEART.

"Saturday, In The Park...

I swear it was the Fourth of July"- Chicago, "Saturday In The Park."

What a weekend. Holy SCHNADE what a weekend. I've got a lot to talk about, so some things may get glazed over. If you want me to go further into depth about anything, just comment, send an e-mail, tweet at me, send me a messenger pigeon, establish a telepathic link, something. Whatevs.

So, Saturday! Woke up, for some reason was slightly depressed. Then, I remembered...HOLY SCHNADE, THERE'S A REU TODAY! That's a realization up there with suddenly waking up and remembering that you're Superman. So, eat some food, throw on some clothes, all that.

My commute and such is, as always, non-notable. Meh. It's public transit; you take one LIRR train, you've taken them all. And, even if you haven't, you probably don't want to.

So, REU! Get there, don't see anyone. The fountains are going, all that good stuff. And, Sam is there! Yay! I'm not the first one there! And, as things go on, Ariel, Marnie, Zoe, Dan, Faye, Sasha, Myles, Julie, Dermot, and the rest of the crew all show up. Fun times, go to Central Park, and that. Eventually, the music starts. And, what else comes on, but Heart Attack '64? Yes, waltzing in the park with CTYers. Lovely. As it turns out, waltzing is fun even if doen terribly. :D So, reunionizing goes on, is fun, all that. Good stuff. Lovely times with lovely people. Also, mono is unfun. It should just go and die, plz.

After that, get home, eat some dinner, go to my computer. But wait, apparently my neighbors are having a party to break in their outdoor fireplace! So, I go, say hello, and am "forced" to eat dinner again. It helps that the food was SUPER delicious. And, that night, I got to talk to yet another friend. And, of course, the ensuing conversation just confirmed how awesome that friend is.

Anyway, that was Saturday. Good day? Yes, very. Of course, the only downside? Coming down from that high the next day. Sunday was mostly an average day. That was, until I took a walk. Out of boredom, I decided to make some phone calls. Very, very good choice. First phone call longer than 3 or so minutes I've had in a while, and first time I've talked to anyone on the phone for more than an hour straight. Very nice.

Aaaand, it's today! Not much going on; I have a conversation with yet another friend, and truly realize something. I'm okay with crushes not developing much further for the most part. (Not that I'd be against that happening. Just that I'm fine for the most part with it not.) Why? Because they're all so cool, it doesn't matter! YAY!

To finish it all off, DINNER! Awesome food. STEAK! And, awesome stories about keeping penguins as pets! Thanks, JP*!

And now, I'm here! Only one thing has gone badly: STATUSES. Now, I'm not a warmonger. I do have thoughts of going into the military when I get older, but I certainly am not the "Kill kill killy! SHOOT AND RAPE SHOOT AND RAPE!" strawman that some believe the military to consist of. Of course, as it turns out, someone I know decided to protest memorial day for the dead of Iraq and Afghanistan. Yeah...no. He claims that all Iraq and Afghanistan vets are rapists and murderers. What the fuck ever happened to "Hate the war, love the soldier"? That's a principle I can get behind. Eurgh. DX

So, apart from that, this weekend? Wunnerful. ^_^


*Juan Pablo, a sailing coach from Chile. Really cool dude. He was in the Chilean navy, and once had a penguin for a pet, as well as an albatross, and he nearly brought home a pet puma once. AWESOMENESS!

"I'd rather laugh with the Sinners...

than cry with the saints."- Billy Joel

So, yeah. My school is mostly open, accepting, understanding, and kind.

I said mostly. As it turns out, there are a few bad apples that made it past the interviews. Of course, those bad apples are mostly just average, mildly annoying, but well-meaning guys. There's only one guy at my school who I can legitimately say I cannot stand. I shan't use his name, just in case.

However, I SHALL use his views. The main thing I realized is that, according to him, just about everyone I know is going to hell/is going against God. Other races? Not as good. Other religions? Why, in his opinion YOUR perspective on God is wrong, MINE is right. How does he justify this? "The Bible says so." How do we know the Bible is trustworthy? "Because it's the word of God." How do we know it's the word of God? "Because it says so, right here." Circular logic for the fail. Oh, and you're a terrible person if you're not as straight as an arrow.

So, yeah. This kid is an ignorant asshole. Of course, what's my reaction to him saying that my friends and I are all sinners?

I laugh. Why? Because, if this is sin, I shudder to think what being good is like.

There's nothing wrong with being gay, bi, agnostic, atheist, Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, Protestant, Catholic, and a million other things that people hate each other for. Nothing at all. What do you call a huge canvas? A canvas. Boring, not at all special. What happens when the colors, the thread sizes, the patterns, all that are changed up? That's right, you get a tapestry! If I have to live in a canvas world, I have no clue what I'd do. (Perhaps I could rose tint it? Although that'd still be kinda boring and monochromatic.)


Oh, also, a very short letter or three!

Dear yous,
I'm kind of awesome. Now will you admit you're goddamn adorable? Pleez? <3 <3 <3
Love, mes.

Dear person who got me to admit the above,
Thank you. That is all. :D
Love, me.

Dear everyone who has given me advice,
Thanks for giving it in great portions, and for each tidbit within those helpings being genuinely, ridiculously helpful. For example, on honesty. Or saving that signature.
Love, me.

Coming out of my cage...am I doing just fine?

(NOTE: I apologize for the pathetic, complaining tone of this post. My bad.)

So, yeah. Things seemed to be on the up-and-up lately. Got a date to the school dance, finally got the stones to open up about certain things, all that. So why am I not doing well?

Well, as it turns out, it sometimes seems like I can't win. I mean, in that romantic aspect of my life? Well, just as things were looking up, I decided to take another look at it. Bad idea. Why? As it turns out, I realized a couple things.

It seems that of the people I have crushes on, only about half are single. And, from that, it seems all but impossible for any of them to return anything my way. Why? Well, it seems that some of them either already have huge crushes. And, the one person that doesn't? I'm pretty sure that I'm not her type. (Not that I can see myself as anyone's, that is.)

It always turns out like this, it seems. Whenever I get onto the up-and-up, it never lasts. Especially when I begin to get comfortable with it. And, what did I do in the past few days? Get comfortably nuzzled into the up-and-up. Whoops.

Anyway, yeah. I fail. Although you probably already knew that. :D:

Whatever Tomorrow Brings...

So, back from the retreat. Good times, gooood times. Now, there's a problem of confidentiality. All that. Which is kind of a pain, given the fact that at least one of my followers over on Twitter is going to be going on this same retreat next year.

Anyway, Sternsie, if you ever care enough to read these things, SPOILER ALERT.

Now that we have that out of the way, the retreat. The one thing that has stuck out wasn't the multiple masses, or the questions we were given. The thing that I most value? The stuff I kinda winged as I went along. For example, letters. I had some spare time; I wrote more than 15 letters that I really should send eventually. So far, I actually plan on sending...2. But, I got my thoughts down. Which should hopefully count for something.

Anyway, I don't think it's spoiling too much if I say that there's a point during the retreat where they allow us to go to Reconciliation. (Catholic guilt rears it's ugly head!) To start the whole thing, they gave us a sheet with common moral failings; looking at porn, getting high, that kind of stuff. However, thrown in there is "Do I get too down on myself? Do I not recognize the gifts that God has given me?". Yeah...that one took a while. Most people, in talking to the priest, had one, or at most two people end up in line behind them. When I was done? Four people. I had talked for a while. And, you know what? It felt good. Even if I'm not that strong in practicing my faith, (I'm, for all intents and purposes a CEPSO Catholic, it seems- Christmas, Easter and Palm Sunday). So, I took a look at myself. I've had people call me smart, funny, adorable, all that. I've never felt it to be true. Just don't see it. Of course, the priest said something that really struck when I was talking to him- "Perhaps others see something in us that we can't see in ourselves."

Thus, from now on, I'm going to try and stop myself from denying compliments as much as I have in the past.

I'll just deny perceiving them in myself. Also, note that I only said "as much as I have in the past". Not "completely". :D

<3

HOLY SHIT! YOU GOT YOUR RAINBOWS AND MOTHERFUCKING UNICORNS IN MY ESPN!

So, yeah. As it turns out, ESPN has been unicorn'd. You may think I'm crazy, but it's true!!! LOOK!!!

Go, and look at the page. Once you've done that, enter the Konami Code (Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right b, a), and hit enter. UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS!!!

Ah, I love when the internet does awesome stuff.


So, anyway, bloggin' tiemz. So, not much new since my last post. Except for, well, STATES. HOLY SHIT. It was awesome! Except for the parts where I actually needed to do work. But still! Awesome!

So, it all started with a long-ass bus ride on Thursday up to Albany. As it turns out, once you're past the Bronx, New York is nothing but highways and farmland until you hit Albany. Which, while a nice change of scenery, can get pretty damn monotonous after a while. But, at least I wasn't next to anyone intolerable. Although he did steal my phone, call a friend of mine, and call his mom hot. Yeah...thankfully, the person understood that.

So, get to the hotel, go eat some dinner; what are a few teenage guys to do? Why, run to Kmart and buy useless shit! $5 knockoff nerf guns are so goddamn much fun to shoot people with.

Anyway, the next day, things don't start 'til 4:00. So, we all have time to chill, get some nomz, all of that. 'tis quite nice and relaxing.

Aaaand, later on, we start the first rounds. I suck. BAD. My first speech, I have no sources or citations to go on, and have to BS the whole thing. Kinda the same with my next one. And, a tiny bit more of the same with my third. So, not too bad.

Oh, wait, forgot to mention; by the time this whole ting is done, it's 10:00, and I still haven't gotten any dinner. So, quick ride back to the hotel, before the REALLY stupid shit goes down. Anyway, what fast food joint is the perfect cure for the midnight munchies? WENDY'S!!! And, there happened to be one right nearby!

...if by nearby you mean "Across a crosswalkless, busy pseudo-highway that it's a terrible idea to run across." Of course, the most logical course of action was taken. RUN IT! GOGOGOGO!!! Which turned out okay...'til we found out Wendy's was closed. So, we had to run back across the street, down an incline, and into McDonald's, where we finally got some food.

Now, it's the next morning. At 5:00 AM. I had gone to sleep at 1:00. Yeah...I wasn't happy, to understate things. Furthermore, I didn't even get any breakfast! Greaaaat.

So, on no sleep and an empty stomach, my team walks into Albany High School. Things start up, and, like magic, I'm doing something I never thought was possible; not sucking! (Shocking, no?) Talk about tea parties and the Mexican drug trade, all that good stuff. But, I get the feeling that 2 good speeches won't make up for 3 terrible ones, and I start getting ready for impromptu, which I'm confident I'll do okay in. Due to the fact that I'm A+ Pro at going on about random bullshit for as long as necesssary But, a tweest!!!

For some reason, I made it to Semi-Finals. Yeah...I guess I didn't suck as badly as I thought I did. Surprising! Go into the prep room, get a question that can be directly answered by an article in Newsweek. Great. But, I only have enough info for half a speech! So, where do I get the other half? I'll let TvTropes speak for me on this one. It ends up not going very well. But, what're you going to do?

Well, if you're me, you're going to find people to chill with! Doing this was probably one of the better decision I made this weekend. I ended up meeting a person with an awesome hat, for example. Who, in the end, turned out to be more awesome than their hat. Which is saying a lot, given the awesomeness involved here. Oh, and I watch a random guy recite both the Shamwow and the Slap-chop commercial. From memory. With a perfect Vince imitation. EPIC.

So, yeah. That was states. I went, took a bus, made some shit up, got called on it, was last place in semi-finals, and had a great time with it. Overall, that was great.

Hey, Teacher! Leave them kids alone!

(Pink Floyd, in honor of 4/20. Yeah, they're not stoners, but a whole hell of a lot of stoners listen to them. And, any excuse to listen to Pink Floyd is worth taking up.)

Anyway, long story, but today I got to pondering how people become involved in the lives of others. And, how matters of marriage come into the equation.

Let me preface this with something that, in an ideal world, would be needless; I am completely straight. So, now that that's out of the way; same-sex marriage!

Apparently, Gov. Patterson is currently considering putting forward legislation that would allow same-sex marriage in New York. Personally? I'm all for it! IMO, if both parties are consenting adults, it doesn't matter what gender they are. It's not my place to tell people whether they can or can't get married. Furthermore, denying same-sex couples the right to marry is creating a double standard that I just can't support. Nothing makes love between a man and a woman any more valid than between a man and a man or a woman and a woman. Love is love is love. And, you can't mess with love.

Some of the arguments against same-sex marriage are ridiculously stupid. Example being the complaints about weakening straight marriage. Buddy, if your marriage is weak enough that allowing people to have some basic, essential rights breaks it apart, then your marriage wasn't that great to start with. Furthermore, the argument that it's unnatural. If it was unnatural, would it turn up in the animal kingdom? Yeah, think not. Hell, even if it was unnatural, who cares? Is it really hurting you? Why, no, it seems that it wouldn't!

So, yeah. New York Gov? Do the right thing; give New York same-sex marriage!